mother.of.the.year.

i should have known.

i should have known it was coming when i mysteriously lost a poopy onesie at the dr.'s office on thursday.

i should have known in that i should have recognized the signs that it was going to be that kind of morning when the hanger holding my maxi skirts broke and dumped them all over the closet floor.

or when hizazzle forgot to pack p a lunch instead of just the usual snack because she's full day today because of her Christmas party.

the party that i had spent most of yesterday preparing things and gifts for because i'm helping to run it.

i should have known when i couldn't find her black tights and she had to wear pink ones.

i should have known when i walked out of the door wearing a maxi skirt over leggings, hizazzle's t-shirt and my grandpap's big gray cardigan.  i should have known it was coming.

i was so looking forward to a stress free day.

all these things happen but we get out of the door on time.... somehow.

pull out of our garage and hit the road and up pops my favorite little signal... the yellow gas light.

we'll have to risk it.

continue on our way through the windy hills... car slips here.... car slips there..... again and again and again.

hm, roads are a little icy this morning.

there is a rumbling coming from the back seat.  icy roads don't stop el guapo from his bowel routine.

slip slip to school... on time. yay.

let's go in.  drop p off in her classroom. i'll stay for chapel and give the area's wonderful road crew some time to make the roads safe.

excuse me office, is there a place where i can change a baby bum? 

i take the handsome one into the conference room to change him.

leaked.  figured. always does.

start the process of stripping him and as i lift and turn him it becomes clear this is no regular pooh.

this pooh was pouring out of his diaper in thick liquid gushes every time i moved him.

i had to use all but two wipes.

his clothes are most likely ruined.

i reach for my back up outfit bag. it's practically empty.

this morning i had forgotten that he had poohed out of his clothes every day that week.

oh well, i have a car seat cover and it's darn hot in this building so i'll just look like an idiot mother, nothing new there.  i put on a lonely little cotton cardigan and his fresh diaper.  throw my diaper bag in the car seat, put my coffee on top,  grab el guapo and head to chapel.

i sit in the back and due to laryngitis i start humming along with my chubby half naked baby while my little girl in pink tights takes her seat. 

chapel is a rather somber, serious affair at this school.  we start out with 'o come o come Emmanuel'.

hm, better make sure that coffee cup is closed.

nope.

oh well, it just saturated the car seat cover, i'll wash it when i get home.

oops better move the car seat out of the way.

what's that?

the coffee had dripped through the cover, saturated the car seat and leaked through to a giant puddle on the gym floor.

the principle offers me a hymn book and all i say is.... 'i spilled my coffee!'

i put g's fleece hat on and lay him half naked with a fleece hat on the floor and the principle and i get on our hands and knees and try to clean up 8 oz of coffee with the most un-absorbent brown paper towels i have ever seen.

all while a school somberly sings 'o come o come Emmanuel'.

then to the strains of the somber organ i use the last two wipes to de-sugar and cream the sticky floor.

i move car seat.  it's still dripping.

i rip off the saturated cover and put it underneath.

take out my hankie and wipe up the floor again.

how am i going to get home with a half naked baby, a car seat filled with coffee, and icy roads.

i take off grandpap's cardigan and line the car seat, throw in the half naked baby and squeeze him into the coffee saturated straps (which start saturating the thin cotton cardigan).

i pick it all up and run out the door.

i figure the school can only handle so much of me in one morning... i better leave.

i didn't even check the hall or conference room to see what mayhem i left behind there.

sometimes it's best to just get out of dodge and pray our way home.

and that's what i did.