teeth and their roots

i have terrible teeth, not like meth addict teeth but genetically engineered by dentists so i spend my life giving them money teeth.  teeth that are apparently rotten to the core, bad to the bone, enablers of three root canals since 2005.  ever had one? why it's so fun, stop flossing and try it sometime.  what happens is this:
you walk slowly to the office.  your body moves slowly and resolutely forward while your mind is running down the street saying 'i want organic teeth, no fillings for me' and 'keep your paws off my roots - sceppin' my hair roots'.
you crawl in the chair and you somewhat resemble a deer in the headlights.  some lady puts a bib on you and the dentist comes over and tells you to 'open wide'.  you now resemble a baby and a rabid animal, you have a bib and you're starting to foam and drool at the mouth.  then you hear a little buzzing sound and it starts getting louder as you realize a drill is coming near your head.  all of the sudden you see tooth and cracked fillings flying through the air.  the dental assistant is incessantly talking and driving you nuts trying to figure out what's the name of the actor in that love movie filmed in the 'burgh.  you try to say jake gyllenhaul so that she'll STOP talking about it but it takes you three times to mumble something that sounds like 'aick ill-e aul'.

closing your eyes seems to help but then suddenly words like 'cavatron' start floating through the air and blue light wand sticks appear.  you feel like you're on the set of star trek next generation only you don't have marina sirtis's amazing hair (patrick stewart will be one of my favorite actors to my dying day, my sister had a thing for #1, don't deny it tootie, you totally did.)
it's at this point that you realize that your lips are cemented to your teeth with a mixture of drill dust and saliva. an hour has gone by and you've experienced a green rubber tooth surgery shield, weird rubber bands, the horrible taste of cloves, two x-rays, and an extreme annoyance for people who won't stop talking; but you won't go septic because of an abscessed tooth so it's probably worth it.  oh, and you leave thinking you just ate a sandbox.

...and it's relatively painless if your dentist is amazing like mine is; even if he does look like my high school principle and has dental assistants who don't stop talking.